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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jedi_knight_bil's LiveJournal:

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Monday, May 4th, 2009
1:00 am
life is going well i have no majoy complaints and almost feel like this is a waste of an update, if you want to know whats going on just ask me
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
11:37 pm
I don't want this. i want to explain why i do what i do when i do it i want to break down in front of you like i do on my way home from seeing you i want to be able to tell you how i feel and not given the the i should move on speech i know it wasn't a long time for you to date someone but for me that was the longest i've dated someone. i want so many things and i know i won't be able to get any of them cause i've acted so stupid since then that i have changed your view on me. i've made myself look like a jack ass for no real reason other then i didn't feel comfortable explaining how i was feeling and i knew at that time i should stop i wish i could take back all the stupid bickering i would take back all the stupid comments about my hair i would stop all stupid things i did if it meant things would change hell i don't even mean relationship wise but where we stand as friends cause i know its not where we thought it would be when we were breaking up i wish you could see me now bawling my eyes out cause i know now that i've truely lost you and things are just not going to be the same i would give anything to start over and meet you again and i would try my hardest to not be the biggest loser, not to forget the simplest things i know you wouldn't want a person to change for you but i know the person i am isn't a good person and i would gladly change that even if it only meant we were friends.

I doubt you'll even give this a single look hell i doubt you will even read this and care because of stupid things i've done and said. I'm sorry I've acted the way I did and I'm sorry for the things I've said and I know you hate doing this stuff online and I would/will be more then happy to do this in person
4:40 am
I know what I have to do but I'm not sure if I want to. This is getting more difficult as I go, this is going to be fun
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
2:48 am
this time I'm going to stick with it
I'm going to get fit, and learn parkour or something that will help lead me into that alright go
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
4:03 am
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
so for the first time in awhile I was scared of dying, On Monday I had a seizure, the doctors dont know what caused it and i've gone through a long list of different tests and it was not fun. But with the exception of that life is getting back to amazing I realized I don't need a girl there to make me happy, granted it helps but I have all that I need.  I know this isn't true but I'm genuinely glad with where I am right now. I wish I could mean that

Current Mood: good
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
5:06 am
You say we're celebs I say your fucking mad
Things are going pretty well.
I hate the snow.
I'm no longer worrying about girls
I don't care what happens with them now.
I'm slowly becoming an insomniac ha
Things are starting to pick up with the band and I'm excited.
I'm learning alot about music and time scales and shit.
We're thinking about show this summer and I couldn't be happier about that
I've lost 15 pounds since leaving the military
I'm worried I'll lose more :[

I'm feeling less as well not so much as losing a sense
Instead losing the use of some emotions
Ironically, I'm not sure how I feel about that ha

Thanks for reading and have a nice day

Current Mood: apathetic
Thursday, February 26th, 2009
2:21 am
For the first time in awhile, I was happy tonight. Things are going to get better, I think :] yeah things are going to get better

I'm glad I woke up this morning and found you

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
12:32 am
let me help
Sunday, February 15th, 2009
6:18 pm
One day at a time
That's how I'm going to have to do this, simply one day at a time.
Friday, February 6th, 2009
11:03 pm
Now I'm of consenting age, to be forgetting you in some cabaret
But I can't just simply forget you

I didn't see this ending.  I wish I could be blamed for this cause then there would be something I could do or change. 

This sucks =/

Current Mood: Alone
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
11:08 pm
because we are in love
I am so in love with her. She never ceases to bring me happiness.

Tomorrow I get to do of the greatest things I can do right now. For the first part of the day I'm hanging out with Ala and we're having a day together. Which we haven't had in awhile and its going to be a overall great day.

Then after that I'll be going to see Reel Big Fish in concert at the Palladium in Worcester with like 10 or so of my friends. Its going to be a great time.

Lifes is going pretty well nowadays. I have no real gripes with my life. I just recently determined what I want as my tattoo so thats one worry out of the way. I'm going to go for now cause tomorrow is slowy becoming today and i need some sleep for an amazing day
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
10:35 pm
yeah I want to do something with this year
This year, I want to actually to do something so when it becomes 2010, I can look back and say yeah this was one hell of a year. So I'm going to start a list of stuff I want to do this year. Now these things are not things I've never done before its just stuff I want to do this year. Here goes the list.

1. Go to College
2. Jet Ski
3. Ski
4. Snowboard
5. Climb A Wall
6. Read A Clockwork Orange
7. Swim in a Pond
8. See all of the Godfather Movies
9. Go to Times Square
10. Go Camping
11. Win a Race of any kind
12. Play a Show
13. Record a mildly decent Ep
14. Write a song on my own
15. Learn to play the Organ
16. Visit Canada
17. Drive to a state that isn't in the New England region....or New York or New Jersey
18. Go back to Sonic.
19. Buy a Next Generation Console
20. See the sunrise at Acadia on Cadillac Mountain
21. Go to a State in which I've never been too.
22. See the DC area.
23. Get a tattoo
24. Stay awake for an entire week
25. Record a day in the life of me
26. finish that mix cd
27. Be that great thing again
28. Buy a New Car

I'll add more as I think of it,

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, January 5th, 2009
6:14 pm
2009 when did that happen?
Well well another year done another one just beginning. This year, I'm going to do things different.  I know it
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
11:30 am
As random as this sounds, I'm in a band. Its with Chris Mckenney, Pete Skerry, Matt Lewis and what appears to be every horn from the now deluted MIH. I'm going to be doing vocals for them. Also the name of the band is Threat Level Burgandy...long story well i hope this goes well I know it will

and I wonder if anyone will read this

Current Mood: calm
Tuesday, October 28th, 2008
10:16 pm
I love Ala.

Current Mood: loved
Thursday, October 2nd, 2008
7:14 pm
I knew you woul get me to write one
So Much has changed. and to be completely 100 fucking percent honest. I have loved every change. First off, I am no longer in the United States Air Force. I was honorably discharged after they realized I couldn't adjust to military life. Whatever. I got out of the military exactly what I went in for, Free Education for life and time away from where I've lived for my entire life. So now I have a better view on the world and I want to see it. Even if it is at my expense. So I'm back in Billerica and I have a job. In the fall of 2009 I will go off to college at Fitchburg State College, until then I will be working at the Double Tree hotel in Bedford. Its not that bad, just the waking up early is something i'm getting used to again. I met a girl :D Ala. and to once again be completely honest, I love her. The way I feel when i'm with her is nothing like I've ever felt before. we have the same interests she gets along with my friends, i get along with her friends, and her parents don't hate me, or well her mom doesn't hate me, her dad is another story. I don't get to see her as much as I would like, cause shes on the marching band so shes busy after school most of the week but whatever that will be over soonish... Yeah overall everthing has changed and I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm happy with my life and never have been happier.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, July 13th, 2008
4:47 am
I lace my chucks I walk the aisle
I don't know how i feel about that.
I should be happy like I am for all my friends but I don't want to be happy for this one.
No Offense, if you figure this out. I'm sorry, its just how I am.

Class is going alright at this rate, I'll be graduating and going home for a bit on the 25th of August. After that I get to spend three years in Germany. Its pretty sweet, only problem is that I'll be in Europe for three years and I'm having a hard time being away from everybody for like one year, so three is going to be a struggle. But good news as of next Thursday I'll have exactly three years left on my contract in the military. :D

I hope to take up a martial art while stationed over in Europe, but I wonder if I will.

For the last three hours I've been watching John Wayne movies on TCM only because I'm too lazy to get up and get the remote.

I wish I could just get started on my degrees now and get some of that out of the way. It would make this process a whole lot easier.

Gotta go for now peace

Current Mood: indescribable
Saturday, May 31st, 2008
11:46 pm
The Durty South
Its alright down here. I graduate in august and I am looking forward to it more and more everyday. I'm still in mississippi. My job is like my last post said i make computer networks and do cryptographic shit. i don't know where my follow on base is but i can only guess it won't be fun. in a month and a half i will have been in the air force for one year now. that time went incredibly fast. Its weird, I've almost been here a year and i still haven't finished one school. every one who was in basic training with me has long since graduated. Although i do get promoted in November so woo more money. Life is alright. just found out that totally could have had an awesome relationship with this girl i liked since the 8th grade, last year but for some reason i could have sworn she said she wasn't interested. oh well so continues the suckfest called my life.

I went swimming today and it felt amazing. I forgot what it felt like to free in the water. I think i'm going to buy a month pass so i can swim before class. I go to class from 3pm to midnight monday through friday and every friday i have the day off so its not that bad at this base. The way they treated people back in Eglin was so different from the way they treat people. There are days where i feel like i should just give up and go home. but i want free college. so i'm going to keep going, i just have to start saving some money for when i get out i can have mad bank. I think i'm going to call it quits its been more then a normal entry, or well more different then what i normally type
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
12:37 am
Its been a fucking while
Hey, yeah I just finished looking at all my entries. I have a lot of entries. I was so emo back in the day, it was ridiculous, if i was any dumber i would have killed myself according to the way I was feeling. I'm much better now it seems or at least i don't show it as bad.

So yeah I've been in the Air Force for the last six months and what hell its been, basic was alright, it was tough but it was suppose to be. I actually didn't Aerial Gunner but I ended up getting Explosive Ordnance Disposal. Those are the guys that render safe ordnance items so that they cna't hurt anyone. But thankfully i failed out of school. Right now i'm in Florida, next week sometime i will be getting ready to go to Mississippi so I can learn computer networking and cryptological systems. i hack and lay wire down,its safer.

I think that is enough for now i will write more when i don't have to poop
Friday, March 2nd, 2007
5:32 pm
I joined the Air Force for official ness today. I took my oath to do the presidents bidding. I sign up to become an Aerial Gunner....I shoot from planes So i won't die.
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